Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
We left the knife in your bed.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
