your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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