cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
