dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
When are your genitals available?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
