You're my little dorito
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
