if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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