so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
and you fell through a lawn chair
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
