my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
