Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
