Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
