Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
