You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
