"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
