Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Come see our sink grown plant.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
