i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Randomize
