Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
