hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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