we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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