god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
