I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
