what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
