my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
