Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
