Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
