I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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