Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
He passed out mid-signature
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
