so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
