you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
