a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
