Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
