U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Let's get the cat blown out
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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