her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
