Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
he was CRYING into my vagina
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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