Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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