I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
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