about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
