get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
