the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
