There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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