I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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