Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
