i wish starbucks made bloody marys
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
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