I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
that's an acceptable place to lick
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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