i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
