It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
