She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Slut skills are useful in every country.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
