Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
