Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
