Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
