just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
