There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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